Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Hey Guys

Here's a picture of Cloak and Dagger I just drew. Do you know about those guys? My friend suggested I draw them so I did, and I did some sloppy PS pain in the background. ooooh!

They totally were fucked up, druggie druggie addicts. cloak was an ex-basketball star, dagger was an ex-ballerina. They were all fucking high, and then they accidentally got high on the drug that gives you super powers.

Good one, right?

Oh, Cloak is a soul vampire. But lucky for him Dagger has extra-soul. Or something.

They fight crime.

IN alleys.

Cloak's cloak is all the darkforce dimension so he and others can sort of teleport through it, he can also suck you into it and, you know, steal your soul or something. Going in there sucks. Fact.

Dagger throws light daggers. But not lasers. They're like...just...you know, goodness daggers, or something. They make you tired, I think. Sometimes she throws them at Cloak when he gets all soul hungry.

It's a weird set up, honestly.

Hey I miss all you guys. For serious. I miss you and you and you. Are you coming to my new site? I do a webcomic about a pro-wrestler fighting to save the planet. And I have a tumblr, too. All the stuff I used to here I do over there, just no Guinea Pigs.


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

2 more Four Panel Comix

Honestly, people, I really am using my tumblr more than this dude anymore. Tumblr is just better suited to my style (or lack thereof). You should all go and hang out over there.
All three of you. And you all know about my webcomic, yeah?

Here are two Four Panel Comix I didn't get to post over here yet.

"Dr. Doom in Power"
A Dr. Doom/Kanye West mashup where I massacre Kirby style.
Four Panel Comix:  Dr. Doom Power

and

"Every Power Girl Comic Ever'
Four Panel Comix:  Every Power Girl Comic Ever

Friday, April 1, 2011

OMG?

So I just got the most awesome comment ever on my 10 Former Avengers You Do Not Want On Your Avengers Team. I am unsure if it's comically serious, or a hilariously time April Fool's joke.

Will I share it with you all? Of course I will!

"lame. obviously you're not a comic reader. i worked at marvel for 5 yrs and i hate lame ass, phony, hipster snarky shit that always ignore the elements that make characters dynamic and worth writing. you're pathetic."

I'd like to take this opportunity to point out this post is Anonymous. And nothing really backs up any credential one uses like being Anonymous. I'm JUST saying.
Also, I didn't realize I'm a hipster. Totally awesome.
Also, at no point do I actually disparage any character as not being "dynamic" or "worth writing" i just point out, you know, why they wouldn't be your FAVORITE co-worker if you had to be on a team with them.
Finally, I want to point out that these are not real people. They're super heroes who are always written with a ridiculous amount of seriousness. All of them, if they were real, would take shits. Stinky shits.

" worthless and weak two gun kid? he's a very good shot, leader of a superteam, has a robotic horse, has plenty of hi-tech weapons"

it should be noted that my only actual gripe about Two Gun Kid was that he lived in the Old West. And that he would never, ever show up for missions that way. Also, that a six shooter isn't much good against Kang.
Which is true.
I felt like that robot horse was even too ridiculous for me to bring up.

"falcon was trained by cap in fighting, espionage and the like. he's like a special forces trooper that flies."

Hey, I actually started the Falcon post with the following "Someone just said "Hey man, you leave Sam Wilson alone! He's a solid hero!" Okay. I mean, you're right, he's reliable, for the most part, he's loyal, he's pretty sharp" Obviously, the joke with Falcon is that 1) Flying is lame if it's all you do, and 2) with a little bit of mind control he goes all Black Power terrifying on you. That's a drawback on a team that's composed 98% of white folk.
If you said in your brain "HE DOESN"T JUST FLY, HE CAN SEE THROUGH A BIRD'S EYES, TOO!" And don't see how that would be up for ridicule next to, like, Thor and Iron Man, then you clearly don't see why these characters are remotely humorous.

And these are 9 and 10 out of 10. I'm even admitting they're solid, but fallible.

"tigra, come on. super str, agility, claws?"

Tigra is a little bit easy. Who, also, has terrible taste in men. Maybe "working at Marvel" you missed the opportunity to work with women in close confines, but you DO NOT want to work that lady. That lady makes you lose faith in all of humanity.

Also, her costume would be a distraction. It's distracting me just thinking about it. It's more distracting than even Power Girl's.

"rage may only be a kid but you know what? he's been trained by the powerhouses of the avengers. his age has no bearing on anything."

Okay, first off on Rage. You and me can form two Survivor Series style teams. But one of your team members has to just be the biggest 13 year old kid you can find. I win. AND, secondly, you're wrong, When he was put on the Avengers he had came straight out of the New Warriors. He wasn't trained at all, unless the local Boys and Girls club had a self defense class for Middle Schoolers before he went all gigantor strong.
And he'll hot rod the Quinjet with his friends! And he doesn't clean up his room.


"Demolition man doesnt have a lack of confidence. do your research."

I did. Captain America 340. "In the latter conflict, Demolition-Man tried to apprehend the villainess Titania. However, Titania's strength far exceeeded his, and she threw him off a cliff, nearly killing him. After the encounter with Titania, Dunphy lost confidence in himself.[3] Soon afterward, the Commission on Superhuman Activities arrested and interrogated him.

Upon his release, Dunphy found Rogers trying to reconstitute his team the Avengers (Earth-616), and Dunphy joined the team on an informal basis. To help Battlestar, Dunphy and Rogers flew to the Arctic to rescue Battlestar's partner, US Agent (the former Super-Patriot), from ULTIMATUM. Dunphy, still unsure of himself, waited in an Avengers Quinjet while Rogers and Battlestar investigated."

Ahem. Also. King of the Hoboes.


"jack of hearts has the power to destroy the earth ten times over, cracked silver surfer's skin and withstood graviton, magneto AND electro. 3 of the most powerful energy based villains in marvel"

And yet was the mopiest, emo, cry baby to ever join the Avengers. Ever.
That's all I'm saying!
Was he super powerful? Sure.
But if he's always going on and on about that stupid Zero Suit and being pretty much an over-sensitive crybaby about EVERYTHING? Who cares?
Shit, without Tony Stark he would've just blown himself up and he didn't even THANK Tony for that.
He's a cry-bitch.
With super duper powers.
You don't want that dude on your team. He's a downer, he's a distraction and he's bad for team moral.


"hank pym.. really? REALLY? he's the scientist supreme appointed by eternity."

Hank Pym, really. Wife beater, confidence loser, ultron maker, criminal, multiple personalities...yeah. That dude. West Coast Avengers Era Hank Pym is one of my favorite super dudes of all time. He wore that awesome red jumpsuit and kept shrunken gizmoes in his pockets. But. Dude was a HOT MESS before that. And really after that it's presumed he was a fucking skrull the whole time.

So. When he wasn't being just a complete emotional wreck causing damage either directly or indirectly to his teammates and was actually useful...he was probably not even Hank Pym. He was probably a skrull.

Oh yeah, and he put his ex-wife's brain patterns in a robot. And you know he's fucking that robot. So, yeah. One has to wonder if Reed Richards was in the Negative Zone when Eternity was looking to hand out titles.


Hey, my whole schtick is the humanization and the humorization of these super-dudes. Look at my 4 panel comics or the couple of super hero tribute stories I've posted and pretty much anything comic related I posted. These guys are taken way too serious for being completely, completely ridiculous. I say that out of love, man. And I'm not even saying these guys stink. I just wouldn't want to go to work with them every day or rely upon them to responsibly and efficiently handle their part of the work while we're saving the universe. I do, more or less say these guys suck, though.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.


I suspect Batman calls this "Taking Clayface to Arkham"
Continuing my series of Superheroes doing things everyone else does.
4.5 x 6 watercolor on paper

Thursday, March 3, 2011

4 Panel Comix: The Joker


This is why no one reaches out for me to write any Joker comics.

Also, no one knows who I am.


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Oh, thanks so much IDOL HEAD OF DIABOLU


I just got posted over at The Idol Head of Diabolu, which is a Martian Manhunter appreciation site, which I totally dig on because I totally, totally adore Martian Manhunter. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that before. And that dude is totally under appreciated. I think it's fair to say that J'onn is probably my favorite superhero. I mean, sometimes I lean other ways, but pretty consistently he's No. 1. Most criminally underappreciated hero EVER. Period.

Also they refer to me as Kenny Sparks through the whole thing. Which I think is hilarious. My name is Kyle Starks. If you didn't know. Seriously. Go learn about the Manhunter.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Superman Enjoying His Lunch


I'm thinking about doing a series of superheroes doing normal every day stuff.

Here's Superman stopping for his lunchbreak.

4.5 x 6, watercolor on paper

Just so you know, you know, I'm still doing that webcomic thing over at Robot Mountain. Also, I started a tumblr site, now, it's pretty much the same stuff as I post here, except it looks a lot better. Tell all your best friends about it!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Watercolor Draw Draw




I'm teaching myself watercolors now. I have a degree in painting and not once did my stupid art school offer anything on these awesome little dudes. Watercolors are the bitch of the art world, I guess. So I'm owning it. (to the best of my ability).

Still totally taking commissions. Anyone? Buehler?


Friday, February 18, 2011

Elephant Man Turns It Around


If people aren't cool to you, bro, just say "screw that" and put on a party hat. No one hates on the life of the party. Not even the London Hospital can resists the charms of a party dude.

Elephant Man

Monday, February 14, 2011

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

4 panel comix

I've almost moved everything over to the other site in terms of updates and stuff, so I hope you have me RSSed over there. Because I love you all. I never want us to be apart.

But here, I drew these, they are more bad 4 panel comic jokes.

I give you the worst Plastic Man joke ever, and Rogue and Iceman:

Bad Plastic Man Joke

4 panel Rogue Joke

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Superheroine upskirt

One more thing me and The Parademon have in common...

I made this awhile back. The Captain lives a desperate life.

Finally!

Monday, January 10, 2011

What if #3 What if Iron Man was even more of a dick.

No, not really. It's "What if the Avengers had never been." I ran across the scans from the awesome Grantbridge St and other Misadventures. I actually read this comic a million years ago. No not when it came out, that was 77, nephew. I was beyond wee. In fact, I think that I checked this out, specifically, because it was the issue from the month and year I was born. But I can't remember.

The gist is that the Avengers never teamed up, so instead the Hulk was the Hulk that we all know and love running around smashing everything, instead of the relatively emo-y Hulk that was an Avengers member.
Avengers #2
Buzzkill, Hulk.
Anyway, there aren't Avengers, but there's still Antman and Wasp and Iron Man and Iron Man straight up makes suits for the Pyms, and for Rick Jones. Because I don't know who you want watching YOUR back in a fight, but I want Rick Jones. Rick Jones made the Hulk on accident, because he was too dumb to read a Keep Out Explosions of Gamma Doom sign. He's hanger-on-ed to pretty much every event, and hung out with pretty much every at some point or another. I think he rolled with Rom the Space Knight for awhile. Anyway, pretty much he's just a normal wing man. He has no powers, no skills (I think he plays guitar, though), no real value, except keeping you company in between battles that he probably, accidentally led you in to.

Anyway. Not the point.

In this What If, Iron Man is a dick.

What If #3, 1

And Rick is dumb. You don't flap your wings in the Starktech, dipshit. You ever seen Iron Man FLAPPING HIS DAMN ARMS? Ugh, Jones. Seriously, putting Jones and Pym on the same team is just about the dumbest move you could pull. These guys will go out of their way to accidentally kill you. Their friend.

Oh, Tony. You brought this upon yourself.

What if #3, 2

Tony Stark does not take back talk from Rick Jones.